With Idris Elba Ruling Himself Out, Who Should be the Next James Bond?

 




For years it has felt like Idris Elba would eventually replace Daniel Craig as James Bond and in recent weeks, speculation has reached an all time high.

 
But this morning during an interview with Good Morning Britain he said that he would not be playing the role. 
 
Now, things could change, Daniel Craig famously said that he’d rather slit his wrists than play the role again before eventually deciding to return one last time, but between this and the news that Danny Boyle will no longer be directing Bond 25, it has been a pretty tumultuous two days for the franchise. 
 
I’ve decided to help MGM cast the next iteration of the iconic role and because I’m generous, I won’t even charge them for it. 
 

Here’s a list of some actors who could be the next Bond, sorted by how much I want them to be the next Bond


  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill



Wow, what a list, in order to help me figure this out I’ll have to run them through a series of stringent criteria.

James Bond Can’t Be Henry Cavill

Damn, sorry Hank, I don’t make the rules. 
 
On paper, Cavill would probably make a good Bond, he’s handsome, British and even has experience playing spies, but for whatever reason I don’t see it. 
 
First off he’d be really terrible at the press tours leading up to the films. He’s come under fire for comments made during previous tours, so I think this is fair to say. 
 
Second, if like me, you are one of the few people who watched The Man from U.N.C.L.E, then you’ll know he wasn’t exactly great in the role. 
 
Also, I just don’t really like him. 
 
A very fair counterpoint to this exists however:
 
 
 
Still, the rules clearly forbid Henry Cavill from being James Bond and unfortunately, I simply cannot do anything about that. 

  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t Be American 

This means that Michael B. Jordan is out.
 
Somehow, I think he’ll be alright. 

  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t Be Under 30

This is where it starts to get really brutal. 
 
We lost John Boyega (would be fantastic and better be in the next Kingsman movie), Daniel Kaluuya (this sucks), Maise Williams (too small anyway), Tom Holland (give him 13 years) and Taron Egerton (already has his own spy franchise anyway). 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Has to Be Able to Swim

Can anyone provide me with incontrovertible evidence that Tom Hardy can swim? 
 
I can’t picture him swimming and while Bond won’t necessarily have to swim during a movie, he has to have the ability to, you know?
 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t Look Like a Literal God

James Bond has to be handsome and attractive to anyone with a working set of eyes, but he can’t so handsome it becomes distracting. 
 
Later Thor. 
 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t Look Like A Serial Killer

Goodbye: Michael Fassbender, Jamie Dornan and James Norton. 
 
Fassbender probably would have made a great Bond, but at 41 he is a little long in the tooth to take over as the future Bond for more than a few movies anyway. Plus he’d be very similar to the tortured, broken Bond that Craig has given us. 
Wow they’d look great as a lamp in my foyer
Dornan and Norton are mostly on this list because other lists have said they could be Bond. Dornan doesn’t look all the way like a serial killer, but James Norton one million percent does. 
 
 
 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t be Under Five Foot Nine

This eliminates James McAvoy (tragically), Jamie Bell (sneaky good choice), Kit Harington (what kind of Bond would have a pecker that small?) and Aidan Turner (also only on the list because I was trying to get 25 relevant names on there).
 
Now, Aidan Turner is technically 6 feet tall, but he played a dwarf. Google says that dwarves in Tolkien’s Middle Earth averaged 4’6″, which is hardly Bond like. 
 
 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t Look Like A Criminal

Charlie Hunnam you are out my friend. Same to you Dominic Cooper. 
 
Charlie Hunnam could have been an interesting take on Bond, he could’ve been like his version of King Arthur. That does stray close to Kingsman however. Besides a similar take on King Arthur with Hunnam at the helm was a failure at the box office. I love parts of the movie even though it kind of sucks. 
 
Dominic Cooper is too con-artisty too be Bond. He would make an excellent spy. Interestingly, he did play Ian Fleming in a miniseries. 
 
 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t be Have Uttered the Phrase “Protector of Italian Virginity” 

I love Paul Bettany as much as anyone else. That’s why my dude is on this list. 
 
Unfortunately, he would not make a very good James Bond, he just proved surprisingly immune to my more general criteria. 
 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t Have Denied That He’ll Be James Bond

Idris Elba is perfect for the role of James Bond. 
 
He is English, talented, handsome, tall, imposing and really anything you’d want in the role. 
 
The only problem is that at this point it feels like him and this role have been dancing around each other for too long to make it work. 
 
It feels like a will they wont they sitcom couple that waited to long and now won’t make it. 
 
It is absolutely a goddamn shame, but Idris Elba cannot be James Bond. 
 
 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t Have Starred in a Movie Where Bats Featured Prominently

Farewell Christian Bale and Luke Evans, you will be missed. 
 
Bale previously played Batman, which if you squint is kind of like an American version of James Bond. Besides, he’s already 44, and Elba’s age at 45 is one of the things held against his candidacy. 
 
Luke Evans has always been one of those guys I just want to succeed for no discernible reason. I just like him for some reason. Unfortunately, he doesn’t feel like James Bond to me. 
 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

James Bond Can’t Have Already Been James Bond

You may find it incredible that Pierce Brosnan has even lasted this long. 
 
But picture a movie like Skyfall but with an even more washed up Bond. He’s pushing 70 and a life of drinking, killing, fighting and loving have left him a ragged shell of the man he once was. 
 
His enemies have held grudges though and they’re coming for him. 
 
It could be great, but I doubt MGM would be into the idea. Besides, a basically stand alone film? In 2018? 
 
Get outta here!
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill
We are down to the final two contenders now. 
 
Tom Hiddleston and Richard Madden. 
 

James Bond Can’t Have Been Cheated on By Taylor Swift

This one is absolutely crushing. 
 
I love Tom Hiddleston. At one time he had better odds than anyone of becoming James Bond. 
 
His turn in The Night Manager is amazing and shows his Bond chops. 
 
But James Bond has to be an unquestionable sex symbol of a man and I’m not sure that a man featured prominently on a Taylor Swift album is that. 
 
I feel sick as I write this, but Tom Hiddleston can’t be James Bond. 
 
What an absolutely sick fucking world we live in. 
 
  1. Idris Elba
  2. Richard Madden
  3. Tom Hiddleston
  4. Pierce Brosnan
  5. James McAvoy
  6. John Boyega
  7. Charlie Hunnam
  8. Daniel Kaluuya
  9. Michael B. Jordan
  10. Luke Evans
  11. Maisie Williams
  12. Tom Hardy
  13. Jamie Bell
  14. Chris Hemsworth
  15. Dominic Cooper
  16. Paul Bettany
  17. Tom Holland
  18. Taron Egerton
  19. Kit Harington 
  20. Michael Fassbender
  21. Christian Bale
  22. Jamie Dornan
  23. Aidan Turner
  24. James Norton
  25. Henry Cavill

Richard Madden is the Next James Bond

 
 

Fortunately, we do have a worthy candidate left. 

 
Richard Madden is a thoroughly wonderful candidate to be the next James Bond. 
 
James Bond has to be handsome, smart, charming, imposing, clever, athletic, good at fighting and witty. 
 
Richard Madden has proven to be all of those things as Robb Stark on Game of Thrones.
 
He isn’t a perfect candidate, Idris Elba was that, some of his flaws include, possibly being too recognizable as Robb Stark, a bit of an unknown quantity outside of Thrones, borderline tall enough and he may look strange without a beard. 
 
Still, I would like to officially recommend Richard Madden be cast as the next James Bond.  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

1 thought on “With Idris Elba Ruling Himself Out, Who Should be the Next James Bond?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close